So many hours of exercise
to keep myself
   functioning
in this season
of winter
of horror
   after horror

So much challenged breath
teaches my lungs to expand
   fully

There is more room
   now

for the heart
that 
   speeds
then
   slows
depending upon
what I am
   doing
what I am
   reading
what I am
   dreaming

how conscious
   I am

More room to hold
words
   unwritten
feelings
   mid-process
collective energy
   begging for some
conduit

Enough room to acknowledge that I am
   not
   in
   control

I greet the day with quiet
   gratitude

For this space around my heart
For the gift of feeling deeply
For my uniquely imperfect way
   of navigating this life

I trust

This moment
That I am growing
That I am learning
That there is some grace
   beyond the madness
   beyond the grief
   beyond what might unfold

In moments of quiet connection
In thick and smelly mud with its generous promises
In the sweep of ice shattered clouds glowing at sunrise
In the kiss of the wind as I take time to stand still
   and breathe
In birdsong
In tracks left, straight and sure, like some secret enticement to follow
   where wiser creatures have trod
In waking to gentle licks and nudges
   soft fur and adoring eyes

Self-preservation
a gradual accumulation of strength
   necessary
if ever I hope to
   emerge