The voices have been quiet, lately. I miss their company – vivid dreams, visions, clear messages. The inner world, alive.
And yet, spring energy remains fierce in me. An ever-growing call to keep moving forward, to emerge, to blink in the sunlight as my eyes adjust, and continue taking more intentional steps toward being seen and doing my work out in the open, even when the shadowed corners beckon. Part of this surge to action has to do with a clean eating + organic superfood cleanse I’ve been doing for the past twenty-one days. Honestly, though, I don’t think I’d have been motivated to do such a thing without this energy behind me. One of those chicken or egg conundrums, I suppose.
Huh? A cleanse?
After six months of serious discipline around exercise, food, supplements, and self-care with positive but limited results trying to get an auto-immune condition under control, I was in a vulnerable place. Then again, that’s what it takes sometimes for new doors to open – when discipline and rigor aren’t actually the whole answer and suddenly an opportunity that would’ve been ignored is met instead with, “Why the hell not?” It was with that china-smashing bull leap into “spring cleansing” that a fresh message did come through and my reactions to it have been a lesson unto themselves. (Oh, and yes, the auto-immune symptoms are vastly improved.)
“Show me the places where I hold onto judgment and resistance.”
I have a habit of turning to the universe (my guides, or higher-self, or God, or whatever you want to call it) for direction. It helps me release some of my control issues and focus on growth and serving a higher purpose, even when, were it up to me, I’d prefer to hurry things along. I’ve been meditating on the above for a while now, and oh, have I learned some lessons. Also, pieces have been falling into place, seemingly out of the blue – answers shimmering to life in front of my eyes. But this – this was NOT what I expected. How on earth does this little thing that I hold preconceived notions about and feel triggered by have anything to do with… Oh, shit.
In fact, it has everything to do with where I’m going next, even if it’s not the way I would have chosen to learn what needs to be learned.
Yeah.
A “new wave” network marketing company? Seriously!? Sure, they’re a mission-driven business whose values align with my own, and, oh yeah, their products contributed to profound healing in my body… But, they decided to move to this model a few years ago, and I run fast and far from this model as a general rule!
Deep breath.
Instead of balking, I decided to do what I’ve been doing a lot over the past couple years – making a conscious choice to shift to an open mind and open heart, keep checking myself and keep asking questions.
If this lovely and successful company made this choice, what is their why? There are ethical and unethical companies in every area of business. Blanket judgments don’t work for groups of people, so why would they work for business models? My inner game of question and answer ping-pong continued, running along the lines of a courtroom drama, but you get the gist.
So, what’s come to light in the last three weeks?
The most outward-facing third eye message I’ve had to date.
It is clear that this new phase I’ve entered into is about outer work growing to be in alignment with the boatload of inner work that has been done (inner work never ends, but if I never implement the lessons via outer expression, it becomes moot). It’s about taking the next two+ years while I’m studying homeopathy to gain new experiences to fill gaps in my wisdom. It’s about understanding that to be an effective healer who also earns a living, I have to know how to run a business and to (gasp) sell (shudder). It’s about accepting that in the decade that I owned a business with my husband, I was never the face of the company – I have always been a “behind the scenes” human. It is about addressing my unhealthy relationship with money that has led me to be chronically underpaid or unpaid. It is about letting go of guilt around seeking compensation when I have valuable things to offer and when I work hard.
Finally, it is about seeing that the various pieces that make me, ME, can work together, here, in the place where storyteller, meets healer, meets business owner. And that will not make me less myself, but really, quite the opposite.
Opening to fresh growth and the unfurling embodiment of true-self as I find my way.
P.S. In acknowledging how the microcosm mirrors the macrocosm, I finally tried a tea sample from the cupboard that was labeled “Peach Ginger” that I had avoided for months because I don’t like “adulterated or sweet things.” Turns out, it’s not sweet. Truly, it is perfectly balanced and delicious and is now, by far, my favorite morning beverage.