Since the time to write another blog post is long overdue, I’ve decided to reflect for a moment on my path as a doula thus far.

When I attended the Birth Arts International training weekend, I left feeling inspired and well prepared. I felt confident that my training stretched well beyond those three days, and in awe of what I had absorbed over the past three years.  Since then, I’ve spent more time studying, watching births, reflecting on my place in the birth world, and waiting for the universe to align and present the first birth in which I will have the honor of supporting a new family.

Learning of my fellow doulas attending births and hearing their stories, I have to admit that jealousy has bubbled up on occasion. Until last week, I hadn’t had a single call or email even inquiring about my services, let alone a meeting or an agreement. Sometimes I wonder if I’m in a void. I doubt myself. I question if this is the universe telling me that this calling to which I feel so tied is wrong.

Last night, after learning that I wasn’t chosen as the doula for an upcoming birth, I let myself grieve a little. While I fully understand why a mother would choose a more experienced doula, it still stung.  Rejection always hurts, no matter how valid.  I think in any profession there always exists a need to be “chosen.”

But then morning came, as it always does. After catching up on some much needed rest, I awoke to warmth and soft rain  and watched the sun burn slowly through the clouds. I rediscovered my patience. I remembered – time is irrelevant to the greater force in the world. The time must not be right for me or for my family.

I’m looking forward again. I will continue to study, to write, and to support women in other ways. I will absorb all that I can during the two days of Traditional Midwifery Skills Training at the Midwifery Today Conference. I will appreciate the knowledge and skills that I will acquire at the Neonatal Resuscitation Certification later this month. I will trust that a woman who needs my support will choose me when the time is right.

I always talk about how pregnancy, birth, and motherhood is a journey, unique to each woman. So is the path of a doula. I look forward to continuing mine.